5 tips for having a word with your mate

Be a mate, don’t be THAT GUY

Most guys have that one mate who always goes too far and steps out of line when it comes to women. What can you say to make a difference and stop him doing something he regrets?

Look in the mirror

First things first, most men have been THAT GUY before and have said and done things around women that they regret. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s useful to reflect on your past behaviour and recognise where you might have went wrong.

What’s important now is committing to being a better man for your own benefit and so you can help others.

Find the right time

Nobody likes being called out or slagged off in front of a group of their mates. Shaming people, especially in a crowd, can have the exact opposite effect of what you hope it will. It could well make the guy concerned feel attacked. The result is usually that he becomes defensive.

Having a quiet word at the right time, one-to-one, is your best bet for getting through to your pal.

That could be after a session at the gym, getting a coffee or chilling with a game of FIFA.

It’s probably not going to be the right time when drugs or alcohol are involved or when someone is angry, so only have a word when it’s safe.

Listen to women

Women are much more likely to be the victims of sexual violence than men. Most guys will know women close to them who have been sexually harassed or abused.

Listen to the women in your life and hear what it’s like for them to stay safe. You’ll learn that it’s exhausting and at times terrifying.

If that makes you feel upset, use it as motivation to do more to help.

Speaking up matters

If a mate says something to a woman that’s not on, it’s okay to let them know you’re not okay with it. There’s a need to be direct with men who act inappropriately and by speaking up you can make it clear when something is out of order.

Just because others in the group don’t say something doesn’t mean that they’re not thinking the same as you.

What would you want your mate to do?

Most men would want a friend to speak to them if they stepped over the line, seeing it as an act of support.

It can be difficult to be the first person to bring up a touchy subject, but what would you want your mate to do if you were heading towards a major life regret?

Sometimes a player gets subbed off the pitch because his manager knows he’s going to get a red card. It’s for his own good and for the benefit of the team.

Be the mate you would want looking out for you.


You can find advice and information on the Police Scotland website
Call Police Scotland on 101 or contact the Rape Crisis Scotland national helpline for free on 08088 01 03 02 (daily 6pm-12 midnight).
In an emergency always call 999.